She doesn’t even go here!

Day 3 in Breckenridge- finally realized “Breckinridge” is not how you spell “Breckenridge.” Finally adjusting to the Florida winter cold and the lack of oxygen which has me heaving walking up a flight of stairs (I should have worked out more before I left…). Despite its shortcomings, Breckenridge is unforgivingly beautiful. Snow capped mountains like you have never seen reach high above the town and are visible from almost anywhere. They really do take my breath away- and not just because the air is thin as shit up here.

My internship is with the very prestigious orchestra festival (that I wasn’t accepted to on violin- IT’S FINE), National Repertory Orchestra. I am the marketing gal for the summer. I write press releases and articles and radio spots. This may segue into why I have this blog in the first place…

I do not expect anyone to care about me or my internship or my dog or my boyfriend or my thoughts. But writing is therapeutic and I have a lot to say and I don’t actually expect anyone to listen in real life. Therefore, I shall put things here.

What you can expect from this blog:

Thoughts on love and relationships (not sappy shit, I promise)

Advice I receive elsewhere and will share here

My favorite things (fantastic lotions, food, etc.)

A few rambling posts about my internship in Breckinridge

Self reflection and self improvement (psycho mumbo jumbo)

Here’s a pretty picture of BreckEnridge ❤

Emotional Labor

Thank God for this article because it articulated something I have never been able to.

Emotional labor.

For someone who is so consumed with their emotions, I found. this article to be very enlightening.

I often feel burdened by my emotions and the emotions of others.

Apparently this feeling is shared by other women and many men are unaware of the toll it takes on their friends, girlfriends, wives, and daughters.

“We are told frequently that women are more intuitive, more empathetic, more innately willing and able to offer succor and advice. How convenient that this cultural construct gives men an excuse to be emotionally lazy. How convenient that it casts feelings-based work as “an internal need, an aspiration, supposedly coming from the depths of our female character.”

Emotional Labor

Enjoy!

Today I am trapped

Trapped under the force of others’ words

A whisper in an empty forest

What meaning do words carry if they are not heard?

Buried.

Buried under the weight of oppression

And the absence of change

Hypocrisy.

Pleas mean nothing

United under forced silence

United as one

The faceless, nameless majority

Please listen.

Please hear me as I cry out for my friends

The voiceless

Those crushed under those who care not to listen.

Life of an unsung hero

I think at this point my boyfriend would make some joke about an “unhung hero” but anyway, moving on:

The older I get the more I’m impressed with genuinely good, nice people.

Apparently I have passed the age where I am young and adorable and people must be nice to me because I am just that: young and adorable. More notably, naive and innocent.

Working as an intern for a prestigious orchestra festival has solidified my role as UNSUNG HERO.

To be clear, Musicians=Heroes, Interns=Unsung Heroes.

Arts administration is interesting in that without it the heroes would cease to exist. (Most) musicians lack the skills to create their own career, hence the need for arts administrators.

I will not lie, I miss the glory.

However I’m still a musician. I would like to create a culture where musicians can achieve success without the necessary evil that is- you must be a head case and practice 8+ hours a day.

As I grow I am also learning the value of *balance*

Here is a profile of the person I would like to become: Violin teacher (hero to young aspiring violinists), arts administrator, wife, mother, gardener, builder of things, thinker, advice giver, chef, yogi.

There is more to me than just violin, but that doesn’t mean it is less a part of me. Instead it enhances me. It enriches my life. It has taught me so much. It will continue to teach me even more.

~cheers & goodnight

 

My changing thoughts on love

I am prompted today by two things…my fantastic boyfriend who has taught me more about love than I ever thought possible, and this article:

“Why You Will Marry the Wrong Person”

This article by the New York Times really resonates with me. I have always believed in love at first sight and every romantic notion that goes along with it. To think otherwise was callous and cynical, I thought! Thank you to the love of my life, however, for giving me a new perspective on love and the most fulfilling relationship I have had yet.

” Recklessness is taken as a counterweight to all the errors of reason…”

I love this quote. Romantic movies have tricked us into thinking forever love

a) starts like a fairytale

b) remains a fairytale

c) is fast and reckless

I know now that the best relationships grow better with time. Stability, comfort and safety > spontaneity and uncertainty.

I will leave you with this last quote, but please read the article for yourself!

And thank you to my dear Kevin for a new found perspective on life and love. My perfectly imperfect soulmate ❤

“Romanticism has been unhelpful to us; it is a harsh philosophy. It has made a lot of what we go through in marriage seem exceptional and appalling. We end up lonely and convinced that our union, with its imperfections, is not “normal.” We should learn to accommodate ourselves to “wrongness,” striving always to adopt a more forgiving, humorous and kindly perspective on its multiple examples in ourselves and in our partners.”

Wine inspired list of likes

Here’s a fun exercise and something, in my opinion, we should strive to think about everyday. Here is my list of “likes.”

*A good glass of red wine

*The feeling of a cat laying on your stomach

*Hot water on your skin when you’re really cold

*A kiss that melts into something more

*The first inhale of marijuana

*A beautifully written card

*The perfect word that enhances a sentence

*The final moment before leaving the house to do something exciting

*A tight hug when you need one the most

*The smell of firewood on a cold night

*Hand lotion that doesn’t stay sticky

*A foot or hand massage

*A beautiful color combination

*A good stretch

*A flavorful bite

*An animal when they first wake up (as if they weren’t sure they were going to see you again when you went to sleep)

* A dimly lit room

 

 

Ode to acceptance

This is my ode to acceptance

of all that I cannot change

right now right ever …forever

flaws are perfect in the now

until the time comes to set them free

unto the sky on the wings of birds

and find another to fall in its place

flaws flaws flaws are here

to stay

so why worry

there comes another day

 

Things I would like to say, but can’t.

“You’re just jealous.”

This makes me sound like a pretentious bitch. But sometimes it is true. When you’re doing you in life and kicking ass, people get jealous. Hell, I’ve been jealous. Many times. So when it’s your turn to be the “envied” one, live it up and don’t back down. Own it.

“You are weak.”

Some people are weak individuals and you can’t bully them into being stronger. It doesn’t work like that. When people are making bad decisions, they are in denial. They need kindness and understanding. I should work on that…

“Stop getting in my way because you’re holding me back.”

Some projects are meant to be done alone. I am especially fond of solo projects. Blame being an only child or an extreme perfectionist, but typically people helping me is more like people getting in my way. I should really learn to play well with others.

***This is a PMS inspired post. Normal blog posts should resume in 3-5 business days.

Nightly nugget

It seems that the greatest bits of wisdom come to me at night. Tonight’s “nugget” is inspired by an obstacle I’ve faced (and overcome) the past few days. Enjoy!

♣ Creativity is squashed by the need to please other people.

I have struggled with my first writing assignment for my internship: press releases. Persuasive writing is so. fucking. difficult. In 500 words convince the mass public to ACT, ATTEND, ENGAGE. Write something INSPIRING, EMPOWERING, TANTALIZING. I was overwhelmed. I was scared. I was discouraged.

I read an article the other day about creativity and how it is educated out of us in school. I’ve posted the article below.

Read here!

Inspired by this article, I threw out the idea of writing what I assumed my boss wanted and created my own narrative voice. You see, I took one step out of the very painful process: decoding and predicting another person’s wants/desires. WHO FUCKING CARES? And guess what, it was successful. I’ve posted the finished product below.

Press release!

We learn through creating. One thing may be right for someone and wrong for someone else. But one thing is for sure- working in a box is fatal. Let go of the fear of failure (and I don’t say that in a cheesy quote on a picture of a sunset way). I mean free yourself from those fucking chains and just. do. you. It is not fourth grade anymore and you are not receiving a grade based on your ability to use 10 vocabulary words in a story (which by the way, makes no fucking sense because what if the vocab words are unrelated and cannot form a coherent plot line?!)

Anyway,

This is the real world and the real world needs creative minds and innovators. Be brave. Be experimental. Go crazy. Do the “wrong” thing once in a while because it may get you farther than pandering to the imaginary “boss” we so often bow down to.

Cheers and goodnight!